Rough 2017

Damn, I will say that I was glad to see 2017, go!!!   And I will be satisfied with the fact that the bitch that did this to me in a very “ below the waist” type manner!! She was up and sprinting  to my passenger door , proceeded To open my door jump in my car.  I think it angers her that I still have a car!!!    What kinda Logic is that?  I protected myself for she had blinded me and I was still away belted in. FAKE ASS BITCHES!!   THEY DONT EVEN WEAR REAL HAIR!!!!

2pac was the shit!

July :free writing

July was Genies birthday month.  Or was it the month she passed!? I think it was her day of passing. I think she died, well shit I can’t even remember. I just know July by Susan.  But now? Susan is no where to be found.

You see? I started this year out differently. In a different home. Away from both my menacing parents.  At least they are to me but they will tell you none of their friends think anything negative.  Of course they don’t.  That’s why they are your friends.

I’m very alone. And it’s ok.  No Madonna concert for me this year.  I really don’t know if my concert going will continue. It was ok maybe it was great while it latest!! I’m tired.

Tired of crying. Tired of falling over explaining my trips, trials, and tribulations!  Why is it I’m manipulating everyone around me. ??? I’m not.

Yet I’m told this day in and day out. I’m being conniving and manipulative. I’m blaming others blah I doubt it’s all me! That’d be impossible!!!  I know I’m somewhat selfish, we have to be s little bit. Who else will look out for us if not ourselves.

Cello will have to wait. How sad this world is.  July 2019 earthquakes and T, no cards are in my hands this month.  I should check when mercury goes into retrograde again lol. I love you Debi.


Until later… oh Hawaii isn’t the only rainbow states. We forgot fellow Ireland ! Check it out. Double rainbows.  I’ve never seen Hawaii look this pretty!


ok so now : trump is president lol whatta joke to the Americans  !!!

The guy won’t even have a family dog???  That alone makes me think..why did my parents ever… never mind  ugh! Face plant! Ugh the entire world is crazy




good thoughts btw.


Well, I just can’t tell the entire story it is simply too hard to tell!  In 2009 A cockatiel baby was hatched on Valentines day, i found her shortly after in a Pet store i extensively looked for called Pampered Pets.   They had all kinds of hand fed babies.  Early on the babies will usually look like this: baby cockatiels2cockatiel-babies600x600

Cute little critters, aren’t they?  Known for their beautiful orange circular cheeks!

But when I arrived at Pampered Pets, all they had was one lonely cockatiel!  And she was an albino one at that, making her more rare!  She was beautiful but all white, From that on she bonded to me.  I remember driving home from Atwater Village very excited!   This would be my 5th bird in my lifetime, parakeets don’t live that long.  I clung to that little white bird till she was mine within that day or the day after.

I knew immediately what i wanted to name her, or him, at the time i didn’t really know.  You can only find out the sex of the bird by DNA or blood tests. So because she was so exceptional i named her after Eminem’s alter-ego Slim Shady…Shady!

She was terrified of earthquakes, she had typical cocktiel night frights.  They become disoriented and throw them selves violently up against and about the cage in a complete panic!  I’d i have to jump the cat forget about saving myself, I had to get to her before she hurt herself badly.  THAT is SCARY!

She did bust a blood feather once or twice from these night frights which sometimes happen for no reason at all…1 drop of blood on an all white bird???  I thought I was going to faint, I called my mother in the middle of the night hysterical.  She informed me she was not a vet, calmed me and said get to the vet ER.

So on the November 17,  this year, i had noticed that her droppings were a little loose.  Then she had a night fright, except she was so panicked she was hardly moving!  In fact I began to watch her intently.  I put my hand over my mouth when i realized she could not make it to the top on her own.  I started making called to vets after I made sure she was not bleeding!

Next morning I take a weak, sleepy and weary eyed Shady to the vet.  They kept her there for 6 hours observation….the prognosis?  They couldn’t tell for sure at that point if she was having liver problems or could possibly eggbound, I said NO!  I started crying they gave her a bunch needed vitamins some medicine and the doctor wanted to see how she responded overnight. When i got up the next morning she hadn’t moved!

Immediately i called the vet, told her what was going on.  Shady was most likely eggbound, and I wasn’t going through that again, a parakeet as a kid was horrible but a 40 year old’s best buddy???  And her lifespan had 10-15 years to go.  As soon as i saw there was no improvement in fact i believe she was getting worse by the minute, she could not stay awake, she was exhausted!  I asked to spend 5 minutes with her!  It seemed like so long i called my father crying asking him if they could get back in there and come get her, cause now i was in serious mental anguish.

That was the last time i got to see her alive,i kissed her head, and petted her and told her mama loved her and what a sweet bird she was.  She just looked at me so tired , i told her i loved her, and made myself force her into the nurses hands.  I became a wreck, and that was on the  18, its the 22nd, not much has changed.

As many of you know I am an Atheist, I believe in mother nature, and mother nature put some animals here to be the soul purpose we’re alive.  Look at Betty White! She has been an animal rights advocate for decades!  Some animals come into our lives, making an everlasting impression on us.  Shady was one of those animals.  She was kind, timid, a little to easy to startle, but never once bit me, not once!  She bonded to me! and I was her mother, for all intents and purposes!

MaMa misses you little girl!  😦



Sweet Bird…right after i got her!shadybird

She was my fifth bird in my life time, hopefully many more are to come, but she was a gem!  You are forever missed….R.I.P. Shady.

Oh, if I could go back to that night…

If i could go back and do that night all over,

I would have bought first row seats.

I would have listened more if that were possible!

I would have videotaped the entire night, and I should have. Never forget the impression people first make on you, for looks can be deceiving, and voices can make us feel emotions, music truly touches us ( those that can feel it ) to the core and becomes a part of what we are.  If i could go back to see Adele one more time i would!



I can’t exactly tell my story though one day it will be told. Yesterday at roughly 3-4am my Gramma passed away 17 years ago. My grandmother was an amazingly strikingly beautiful woman she was born with beautiful red hair, and she loved me unconditionally.

Of course by the time I knew her she was much older but she was still beautiful to me every day I saw something more beautiful on her eyes in her hair in her skin and her freckles.

I remember her telling me that when I was born she was afraid I would be teased as a child. And I was. My grandmother was the most honest person with me; she never lied to me she was always very straightforward yet,she spoke gently unlike my grandfather whose voice was gruff and rough.

I miss my grandmother every single day. EVERY SINGLE DAY THAT GOES BY I WISH I COULD TELL HER SOMETHING AND I KEEP FORGETTING SHES GONE ! She’s not coming back. I can’t even see her in my dreams for reasons I’d rather not get into.

She was one of six children born in Missouri. I will call her sister today ( whom I’ve met) and her brother whom I’ve never spoken to. I’m nervous. I sent him a letter. But never heard back. Will keep you all posted!

Life is a disappointment. What can I say?

This was my first cat ever!!! JB. Rip lil kitty. Gramma let us get a kitten cause mom was allergic. She ended up being grandpas cat towards the end. But she was my lil love and I loved holding her and playing. The white and calico was the next door neighbor’s cat.

And the first picture is a picture of my grandmother and her sister who is still alive today. I must give her a call hope you enjoyed the blog!!



What’s on my mind is that I cannot go to any social media anymore, without finding myself in tears over animals! Videos of a paraplegic rat, that is on camera 24/7 to make sure he doesn’t rip out his stiches! Don’t EVER watch the movie Marley and ME! I don’t care who tells you what. I’ve seen countless videos of animals caught in PLASTIC in our Oceans. Do People not realize there is a Garbage Pile in the ocean, that is almost the size of texas! Look it up, and no I won’t capitalize texas! Not to mention there are four more accumulating. I REFUSE to watch another terrorizing video of something, like a sea turtle, being held down, clearly in distress, while they remove a FULL LENGTH DRINKING STRAW from its tiny nostril!!!!! I cannot watch anymore oil covered birds. I am distraught over our Oceans, our Air, ( and this dumb fuck wants to go back to coal mining?) I’m DONE!   ( My apologies to texas)

Previous Older Entries